I love it when my horoscope seems to be about me:
“News comes your way that you need to rebroadcast quickly — toss out a big email, write it up on your blog or find some other way to spread the word. You are the hub of the network, for now. “
So there I was, checking my email before the I hit the road to meet up with my good friend for a pint or two and there it was. The email. I sat and looked at it for 10 seconds. In my mind, I had already read the rejection. “Dear Melanie Fishbane, Thank you so much for applying, but you suck.” But, of course, it would be phrased more poetically then that.
I moved my mouse upon the email and I opened it up. And, it took me a second to really understand what it said. I re-read it three times. My hand covered my mouth as I gasped in glee and screamed (probably more loudly then I meant to) “Oh my god! I got in!” This was repeated many times until my colleague asked me what I was talking about. “I got in to The Banff Writing Centre Writing in Style Seminar.”
“Well, congratulations!” he cried.
My boss whipped around her cubicle and said, “What is this now?”
And I explained that I decided to apply to this writing program just to see what would happen. I didn’t think that I would actually get in! As you know from my previous posts, just the action itself was to me the important step. Getting in was a lovely bonus. I still am unsure as to how I will actually pay for it, so I have asked for much abundance to come my way.
So there I was reveling in my own success and I was like a monkey on a spring, I couldn’t calm down. I didn’t know what to do with my success. I don’t know what to do with failure either, but success is certainly fascinating for me. These were my thoughts in not so random order:
1) I read the email wrong.
2) the email is actually for someone else
3) There weren’t that many applicants so they had to chose me or there would be no course.
4) There were applicants but they all were pretty mediocre and mine was better then mediocre.
5) Something is going to f*ck this up.
I also didn’t want to seem to full of myself, bragging about my success. Which is probably why I went on twitter and facebook to say to myself that it was OK to brag. That my success was good and should be shared.
Later over a now celebratory beer, my dear friend P laughed at me as he knows me better then I know myself sometimes (because after 12 years of friendship how can he NOT see through me) and says something like, “My dear Melanie your subconscious mind is going to be looking at various ways to belittle this. This is huge. I’m so proud of you.”
And he is right, for as you can see from the above list, my subconscious mind was already trying to put this success into some box. It is one thing to do it when you fail…a protection mechanism perhaps? It is a completely another thing regarding successes. Ah me…
Nice though were the accolades from Facebook friends and acquaintances and my boss completely surprised me by giving me a clove plant. It was such a surprise to be given a gift at work and it is a constant reminder of my success now. (which means no killing of the said plant.) It meant a lot to see people’s support of my endeavours.
As if it is all becoming real for me. Giving me a glimpse into what a successful life looks like. And I must say, I can get used to it, one clove plant at a time.